Help - gender non-parity (updated)

Following on from an earlier post where I discussed research "help", here I'll give some of my further thoughts on the subject. 

Male lecturers give themselves access to help with their research as they please, on both a formal (Q&A) and informal basis (e.g. Chat over a beer). Partly because, in my experience, men are less hierarchical in their approach to philosophizing with others. I've found I can chat to male philosophers (from around the world) about any aspect of philosophy without them pulling rank. But I try that with women and I don't find they have the same approach as men. For instance, 2 years back, one female (ironically feminist) speaker from abroad immediately started posturing and saying "I've got 30 years experience". How nice, but so what? I've only just met you and what's the relevance of how many years you've been doing something? The real question is are you any good? 🤔I've never heard that from a man, he just considers the philosophical point I've made on its own merits, not bring in non-philosophical nonsense to try to give himself a psychological edge to dominate the exchange between us. 

Men also socialise far more than women, be it going to the pub, attending dinners, parties or chatting anywhere informally e.g. on the street or in their room. 

For instance, while a 1st year student, I was invited by email to a New Year Party by Simon Hewitt and this email list included Keith Hossack (his supervisor so potential for extra discussion time in private to help him with his PhD thesis) and, I'm pretty sure, Fraser McBride, who isn't a member of the department but is a well-known philosopher. What a catch! 🎣 More potential for help! I didn't see any other undergraduates from my course on the list. I decided not to go to the party but instead spend it with my family. 

However, I did get to chat to Hossack about his research later on in the academic year (summer 2010). I was in Hossack's room when he turned the conversation to asking my opinion on something he was researching for his book. He gave me a potted version of the topic, outlined the possible issues and asked me questions on it. It might have been something about Descartes but I remember it was a very theoretical topic I hadn't done for A level or in my first year UG, possibly because it was more mathematical, and then he asked what I thought. So I followed on from his clear description of the philosophical tensions involved and gave him my thoughts. I probably wasn't much help but it was a worthwhile exercise. Having to assess a lecturer's research topic 1-to-1 in their room (the only time I did so throughout my degree with a lecturer) was enlightening and - pressure! 🤔😕 It certainly threw me in the deep end but I was already used to that from pre-uni years so I survived! 🙂 But it did, however, give me insight on how to assess my own work as well as lecturers' talks/papers I later listened to at conferences. It also meant that lecturers didn't seem so far ahead of me academically if I could cope with such difficult material with so little preparation. I certainly had arrived at uni highly educated, well-qualified with excellent study skills so I welcomed academic challenges. 

The point is I didn't mind giving my thoughts to Keith but only if others can do likewise. I have noticed that men in philosophy make up rules they don't abide by themselves but try to accuse women of breaking the rules when they do no such thing. I've even heard a male lecturer in his 80's trying to cite some rule or other (which had nothing to do with philosophy) against a female lecturer who has more qualifications than him and with over 40 years experience! I found this shockingly disrespectful. And even worse, it was during an Aristotelian Society dinner. I've never heard a woman try to lord over a man citing some rule or other! 

Here's my feminist point: Are women who do follow the rules disadvantaging themselves? Clearly yes! Well, a few women philosophers seem to get ahead and are supported (e.g. with prizes, funding, being fast-tracked) and have no malicious gossip circulated about them. So what's the winning formula?🤔 Not all women in philosophy have the same problems, which is why a general policy for women won't work. Someone like Susan James is sticking to the rules too much, to an unnecessary degree but that doesn't give her any brownie points 🍪or prizes🎖! I emailed Susan James to say I needed to see her. I had only had lectures from 2 women in the department (then and for the duration of the course) only one of which was a feminist, so that's why I decided to go to her. She responded positively so I went to her for a chat given the problems I was experiencing on and around campus - it was explicitly stated in the BA student handbook that students can go to any member of the academic staff for help with non-academic issues. By that stage, I was in desperate need of a woman with experience of surviving the philosophy world, the right sort of feminist for me and above all, someone I felt comfortable with (and still do!). The men thus far had made a right mess of it all! In a very short space of time, she achieved more with me 👍🙂 than all the men put together and they'd spent days and hours on it! 🤦😥🙄 She just focused on the feminist aspect of care for me, which is very laudable but, for instance, she could have also spent time at the end chatting to me about her research and I'd have been happy to give her my thoughts, as I did with Hossack and numerous other men over many years. If it's good enough for him then it's good enough for her - philosophy can't have such a biased, sexist system between colleagues.

Academic discussion is perfectly within the rules of academia, as I learnt on a course I did on Academic Integrity e.g. suggesting reading; discussing your work with others, asking their opinion on it. So she was perfectly within her academic integrity to do so but she didn't. But maybe that's because women get a lot of harassment at university no matter what they do (whereas men don't) and it's not a simple matter of one random person - it can be various people at various times in various situations/places and women can become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of it. No wonder so many women lecturers leave academia - too much depriving them of having the benefit of philosophical discussion with others, which potentially impacts negatively on their research compared to their male colleagues. Women students also leave their philosophy degrees in droves and I would have been one of the many women on my course to leave if it hadn't been for Susan James. Any hope we can move into the 21st century anytime soon and declare this as unacceptable - gender parity is non-negotiable! 

There are also too many restrictions on women's freedoms which isolates them and makes them vulnerable to criticism. One such blatant example😠was a very unpleasant woman in the wider college (not in pastoral care) who frankly I shouldn't have been sent to in the first place, who not only was rude about my LGBT+ rainbow bracelet but was also rude about Susan James providing me with a steady base (3 times only, 2x in 1st yr March, June 2010; then she was on leave Autumn 2010 so only 1x in 2nd year, February 2011) and so retaining me as a student, even though I was in the middle of praising Susan James for doing so! Those were the only times I saw Susan James in her room and it was only for feminist, LGBT+ friendly, care. The only sensitive, empathic, understanding care I received throughout my four years! She offered me a lifeline and I took it. For that we were both hounded. There's something seriously wrong if you make life even more unbearable simply because a female student seeks much needed help from a female lecturer. I thought seeking help is encouraged or has compassion been cancelled in higher education?🤔Despite such serious problems, including a bereavement Autumn Term 2010 (in my 2nd year, but nobody processed it at all so it was treated as though it never happened which was very upsetting) I was never referred to any pastoral care. Every time I needed to report a personal problem e.g. Stalking on and around campus and internet harassment *, male philosophers just referred me to academic study help that I didn't need e.g. the course tutor or study help staff in the wider college who also didn't refer me to Human Resources or any pastoral despite me telling them I have harassment problems not academic ones. (Personal tutors [members of the philosophy department] also deal with academic performance so are not pastoral care specific and pastoral for women's and LGBT+ issues from a straight man is frankly impossible.)

Sending me to academic help unnecessarily and while my grades are very good throughout (always receiving high 2:1s and 1st's despite downgrading my essays) is abusive and constitutes an attack on my academic reputation because it completely misconstrues my academic abilities and personal situation. Worse still, I had arrived at uni with several, very good A levels which added up to more UCAS points than is needed for entrance to any uni on top of A Level certificates (philosophy; physics; maths) gained on long distance courses. In addition, I had just finished a final year degree module in Latin which I took as a self-contained course in itself so completed assignments (all gaining 1st class) without sitting the October exam. This was because I didn't want to gain credits in Latin (I wanted a pure philosophy degree not a joint one split between two unis). I needed to leave that uni before starting my BA Philosophy at another uni, beginning of October, because, these days, students can't belong to two unis simultaneously. (That university was very supportive and emailed me to check if there was anything they could do to encourage me not to change uni.) I studied Latin as a stand-alone university module to take the subject further, beyond A Level standard. 

All this about my excellent educational background and more was written down in my CV and cover letter (in which I mentioned I wanted to go all the way through higher education to post-grad and gain a PhD). I saw admin show my application/CV/cover letter to Susan James who took her time to read through it all before meeting me and discussing it in the interview. Apparently she was the only member of staff to kindly accept admin's desperate request for a stand-in interviewer after the admissions tutor suddenly no-showed for interviews that day. So, but for her, admin would have had to cancel the interviews and myself and the other interviewees that day would have turned up for nothing! I had a bag on me with all my certificates and paperwork proving my qualifications as well as my marked philosophy assignments and tutor comments saying I am excellent at philosophy, should study it at uni, predicting I would get a 1st class degree because my A Level essays were already of that standard. All in all, I was qualified enough to get a place on a full-time degree course, indeed Oxford University and Royal Holloway (London uni) were very interested in me applying to study with them. I attended their Open Days and spoke to relevant staff there. 

So, as a mature student (over 21**), I was extremely overqualified for the 4 year 75% part-time BA Philosophy entrance requirements. As I mentioned in the interview to Susan James, I had already learnt many relevant areas of their degree during my A Level study e.g. Descartes and more (well, most of the BA course came up at A Level e.g. Hume, practical ethics, metaethics, moral realism, G.E. Moore, Plato, Marx and Engels and, in my day, J. S. Mill and Utilitarianism were a big feature in both ethics and politics at A Level, which is when my knowledge and interest in J. S. Mill began). Their BA Philosophy course built very closely on my A Level philosophy course so it was a good match for me. Therefore, Susan James had every right to accept me onto the BA Philosophy course on the spot (which she did, and I accepted the offer on the spot because it was already August) - indeed, it would have been very odd if she hadn't because she would not have had any objective reason to reject my application! 

Susan James had no authority role on the undergraduate course and never marked my work throughout the BA course so she was a neutral person who had no power over me or my education, unlike people who did have a role, e.g. the BA tutor who was the head of the BA course. So it should have been easier and less bureaucracy to see her, not harder! 

When it became difficult to see Susan James anymore due to the department I was left high and dry and college life became worse. So, I felt I had no choice but to seek help outside the department. I had asked, after my bereavement, to transfer to her as personal tutor (from a male personal tutor, an inappropriate selection for a personal tutor especially for a lesbian and given the nature of the problems) but was given some mumbled feeble excuse (a full roster🤔?) from the stand-in course tutor.     

Here again clear evidence that Stonewall is very much needed on university campuses so that LGBT+ people have their rights protected and are given respect and dignity in higher education! 🌈 This includes making people aware that you can't just dismiss a gay student, ie. me, from a role during lecture time for no reason, just a whim which contradicts the previous term's rules (that's deemed homophobic unfair dismissal), and appoint a different (straight) student who isn't in the lecture theatre even though she should be attending that compulsory module. It also includes ensuring a student's physical safety and freedom from assault and battery e.g. being thumped in the arm as I was on campus while wearing a rainbow bracelet. Stonewall also need to have an educational role to play in higher education and schools because educational institutions are getting away with treating gay students appallingly and severely, negatively impacting on their education which then in turn impacts on their further education and employment opportunities. Both departments and the wider college just turn a blind eye to serious problems that have occurred and then go on to compound them so it's time Stonewall was part of the fabric of educational institutions. 

*by internet harassment, here, I'm specifically referring to a fake profile of me on an explicit, heterosexual dating site (to put it mildly) which appeared during the first term I started uni. I know this had never happened to me before because, as all tennis players do, I kept checking my internet searches/ profiles very regularly because sites like this can affect a player's reputation and so impact negatively on their career. 

When Susan James saw a print out of the site I handed her, she was shocked 😲 and empathetically outraged that this had happened to me. Her reaction matched the way I felt about it which made me feel understood by her🙂. And that's the difference between having a woman to talk to (as opposed to a man) and the right sort of feminist who's capable of empathy. 

With it she read a print out of an accompanying email exchange with an internet anti-harassment organisation in which they try to help me through the problem, including how to remove the fake site. The organisation wrote that it is a common problem committed by ex-boyfriends - but not possible in my case! I've never had a boyfriend, I'm gay and came out as a lesbian at the age of 14. 🌈 All female relationships, of any kind, had ended pleasantly and mutually before I started university so there wasn't anybody who would be feeling revengeful. Besides, women don't do things like that! Moreover, the sites are usually used as a form of revenge p**n but nobody has any explicit material of me so it was a stupid thing to do to me.    

The organisation also wrote that the American website had published my address (in the UK) which is an invasion of my privacy. And, I think, an abuse of my data in the UK since I don't hand out my address, I don't know anyone in the USA and have never been there. As the anti-harassment organisation put it, this is not only "distressing" but also has "a considerable impact on a person". I'd say that was an understatement - the harm it causes is immeasurable! 

**All students on my BA Philosophy degree course were over 21. I was one of the youngest, the vast majority were older mature male students. Most of the students at the College for all subjects tend to be mature ie. well over 21! Partly because they specialise in part-time degrees taking place in the evening so people can work during the day. For me that meant tennis and fitness training. However, the stress caused by the stalking and the explicit site was so great that after a while I had difficulty in keeping up the same level of training I had been used to prior to starting my BA in Philosophy. Training as an athlete requires intensive training and puts quite a strain on the body so the last thing you need to have is physical symptoms of stress adding to the strain and making you susceptible to injuries.