Reclaim the Streets (and Buildings!) Part 2: The Impact (updated)

As a result of the incident 20th January 2010 (see previous post), the fake p**n profile and the culture of fear the male lecturer generated, I collected phobias, including even going to the Uni library alone, which was unavoidable. I couldn't walk down that street alone for ages because every time I did I recalled the experience and the rising panic kept returning as I remembered the pitch dark and not knowing where to run to. This was not helped by the timetable for the following year (2nd yr) unnecessarily scheduling tutorials between 8-9 pm, several months after I'd already reported these incidents and more. A tutor himself wrote that 8pm-9pm is not a “particularly pleasant” time to have a tutorial! (Or a lecture or seminar!) 

I told my personal tutor about the incident in the street (20th January 2010). He claimed in an email that he was meeting the head of the university's security later that day (1st February 2010). He wrote that "I hope by the time we meet this Wednesday to have many of your worries sorted out." The problems were far greater than a few mere worries and no, they were never sorted out.  

I did experience male violence (A&B) in the 2nd year (while wearing a large LGBT+ rainbow bracelet), but when I was punched, I was inside an university building, in an open-plan space under cctv with people milling about and I was walking right beside a male student friend. We would walk over together to our group tutorial every week! So it was a perfectly safe place and situation to be in yet that didn't prevent it from happening. And college policies did nothing to protect me. Apparently, it didn't fall under their bullying and harassment policy. Worse still, there was no mention of checking any cctv footage. When I reported my experiences, which included both the street and the indoor incidents, almost everything I said was recorded inaccurately by the wider college. I needed to email back a long document to attempt to correct it all. 

It was just fortunate that my mother stepped up support and, having counselling skills, knowledge (psychology courses at degree level) and experience (including pastoral care at schools) she could help me overcome the phobias. I'd also recently studied psychology at A level which included very relevant topics e.g. stress; psychological problems; memory so I found it easier to work together with her on this. Despite all this, it took time. Unfortunately, the BA course doesn't stop for you. So you have to keep going which is so exhausting and delays recovery. Hence, 2 months later when faced with 5 weeks of revision for exams in May, I found I couldn't remember any of the  academic material covered during the year. This was very distressing especially since I have an excellent long-term memory. My mother tried everything and finally something worked (and my academic memory problems never returned) but I lost valuable time. 

Much as my mother could give me invaluable help and I was able to help myself too, she was pleased that there was a member of staff who could be an anchor for me. From experience, she knows that someone reliable who you trust and can see when needed is essential because they know the college, the area and are able to liaise with staff and give feedback. So she fully approved of my wishing to turn to Susan James for in-house support. I had already met her and instinctively trusted her. And indeed my mother continued to approve because she could see it was keeping me on the course and reducing my fear because Susan James was able to give me the perspective I needed. 

My mother was very annoyed when this was criticised and made impossible because it was important that I feel positive and finish my degree not have a group of insensitive men and women (from both the department and the wider college) attempt to destroy that. Both so-called official people in the wider college and other departmental staff were given plenty of opportunities to look into and deal with my situation at uni but they failed to do so appropriately or sensitively so it is especially hypocritical to criticise Susan James for her efforts. At the end of the day, it was my degree and uni experience that mattered not their own prejudices. 

And I certainly wasn't going to try out their uni counselling services, given the homophobia I had encountered in the wider college and the uni's very poor rating for LGBT+ services!  

Furthermore, the wider college never recommended or involved Human Resources, preferring instead (stated officially in an email) to leave it all to departmental members equally for the rest of my studies! They did not restrict my access to any member of staff!! Neither did they prioritise the Head of Department or my personal tutor. 

The wider college also stated in that email that the issues raised would not be revisited. The only exception would be if I wanted to raise an individual or group course complaint (which I didn't). So I don't know what the Head of Department was playing at when she took it upon herself to repeatedly raise the same issues that were officially closed by the college! I'd put it behind me and got on with the degree, what was she butting in for? There is a good reason why issues raised must close - it is to protect students from retaliation and from it adversely affecting their degree and future prospects, e.g. further study and job opportunities. 

My mother had 2 incidents similar to mine in my first term, first year, in Malet St (2009). I was pretty sure by her description that I knew who they were - students at my uni that I had come across but weren't in my year group. One of whom I later noticed was a member of the political student Conservative Society. The other had previously randomly blurted out that I'm very "political" even though it was irrelevant to the discussion and I hadn't expressed any political opinions or thoughts. I have no idea what he based this (negative) judgement on, unless it was my Prague city t-shirt I was wearing that day, but if so, that is extreme, especially given that there was nothing political about the t-shirt, it was merely a standard tourism souvenir! Besides, that's rather hypocritical coming from someone who doesn't mind working with someone who is so political they belong to a Tory/Conservative Society! 

One of the two incidents that happened to my mother in Malet st. was particularly disconcerting. You certainly can't say she was walking down an unsafe street, and needed to dress down. She was wearing a tracksuit. However, because it happened on the street not literally on campus the department and college dismissed what occurred to her. So, obviously, what happens in the street doesn't count! 

I eventually recovered and was able to go down that same street but it left me feeling angry that this incident had even occurred and the way the department did nothing constructive to put an end to it. Even worse carried it on throughout my degree and beyond. I shall never stop feeling righteous  anger at the injustice of it all!

I hope any student reading this will be forewarned and forearmed and able to step on the first sign of anything that strikes them as odd. In that way, they won't be caught up in a whirl of confusion and fear and waste previous time trying to solve something which is deliberately designed to create havoc. Hopefully, they'll realise they are not alone, it's happened to others too and so won't give up on their degree but find ways to continue with the support of a student or lecturer or family or someone else they feel they can trust. 

And, learn about what's happening to you. Don't be passive. Go and research the problem/s you're experiencing. In my case, I researched stalking and internet harassment - it made a huge difference to me, helped me recover faster because I understood the phenomenon and the impact it's supposed to have on the victim. By understanding it, I was able to counteract it. Professor Susan James knew I was undertaking my own project which I had thought up myself. I showed her my file on it. She only flicked through it, never discussed it with me but left it all up to me to read, research, think about, write up how I wanted. She was just on hand for reading recommendations should I need them. Apart from a few feminist books she mentioned at the start, I was happy to find my own reading because, as she said, it was my own personal journey.